#108. Love limited

13th February, 2009
The Star
MUMTAJ BEGUM

Love is a many-splendoured thing ... apparently. And on television, it can be so much more ... fact!

IT’S that time of the year again when couples frantically declare their love for each other via some commercial means. Some well-meaning souls will try to come up with a creative way of making their love known, like preparing a candlelight dinner from scratch, sending something unique bunched together instead of flowers, etc.

In the fictional world of television, Valentine’s Day has always provided a good subplot to move a story arc – the idea of finding that perfect love is a celebration really in both sitcoms and dramas, with its many jokes or tragic situations borne from this occasion. It is a time when one character hopes the other finally acknowledges his or her feelings, by way of chocolates or a card perhaps.

With any show, the more romantic members of the audience will automatically pair up two people they want to see end up together. For example, our all time favourite FBI agents – Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) – made The X-Files’ fans very happy when they hooked up in the recent film, after being secretly in love with each other for nine years or so.

Now, the secret to good pairing on a television series is always finding the most opposite persons and hooking them up. Take, for example, Chuck and Blair in Gossip Girl (the only thing they have in common is their good sense of style), Angel and Buffy in Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (doesn’t get any more odd as one is a vampire and the other is a vampire slayer), Lorelai and Luke of Gilmore Girls (they share a love for food, only one likes to eat and the other is a cook), and Dr Gauis Baltar and Number Six in Battlestar Galactica (he’s a human in bed with a cylon, an artificial intelligence that wants to wipe out humanity).

Despite all the interesting pairings, there are some couples on television at the moment that are unbearably yucky, dull and, frankly, nausea-inducing.

Here’s a look at our least favourite couples:

> Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) and Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey) in Grey’s Anatomy. To be frank, every couple imaginable in this medical soap opera is annoying. Instead of a love potion being given out at Seattle Grace, the medical staff should distribute poison. About the only adorable couple to come out of this hospital was Christina Yang (Sandra Oh) and Preston Burke’s (Isaiah Washington), and they’re yesterday’s news.

Now in its fifth season, the series’ perpetually on-off main couple – Mer and Der – has turned off many fans with their relationship’s ups and downs. No surprises there really because, although they’re supposed to be meant for each other, all the insecurities revolving around these two damaged individuals ran out of steam from the very first season. Seriously, if you can’t make it work after five seasons, break up already!

> Sara Sidle (Jorja Fox) and Gil Grissom (William Petersen) in CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Why, oh why, must it be Sara? Office romance is inevitable sometimes and their relationship was hinted at early on in the series.

Understandably, working closely together at the crime lab and crime scenes leave little time for both Sara and Grissom to do any socialising. Plus, they share the same interests – bugs, blood, logic. But still, them being together is an uncomfortable notion.

The are-they or are-they-not theories were put to rest when at the end of season six, Grissom and Sara were shown lying on a bed together ... erm, talking.

In all seriousness, this very successful franchise need not indulge on the personal lives of its characters too much because it’s a show that does well when it’s just about collecting evidence and getting the criminal. In spite of this unwelcome romance, the characters made the show what it is so it is quite sad that they are both out of the picture in the series’ current season.

> Dan Humprey (Penn Badgley) and Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) in Gossip Girl. In comparison to the snarky relationship between Chuck and Blair, Dan and Serena’s oh-gosh affair seems to be in this series simply to acknowledge the problems that occur when there’s a vast financial difference. You know, he’s so poor and she’s so rich – how utterly predictable.

While it’s true they’re both attractive people – and no insult to the actors who are dating in real life – the contention that rises with this couple, in the series, is either about their different status or Blair’s dirty past. That just gets old real fast. Nonetheless, Dan and Blair’s hook-up is still a tad more tolerable than any of the teens’ get-together in 90210.

> Lois Lane (Erica Durance) and Clark Kent (Tom Welling) in Smallville. Clark Kent dreamt about the often-victimised and extremely dull Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) as his mate for seven years of the series. However, it is written in his fate (okay in the comic books) that the woman for him is Lois Lane and that seems to be the direction Smallville is finally taking in season eight. The only thing is, Durance’s Lane is not at all likeable.

Now, Margot Kidder’s Lane (the Superman movies) and Teri Hatcher’s Lane (Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman) are made of something more than just beauty and brains. There’s that sense of curiosity about everything, which is what drives the character. With Durance, the young Lane talks and behaves like she’s high on caffeine or some other substance and that’s all we’re going to get. One gets the feeling that there’s nothing brewing beneath her brunette tresses. Not that Welling’s Kent is any better ... he’s constantly moping over something or other. Hmmm ... maybe this Kent and Lane do deserve each other after all.

> Horatio Crane (David Caruso) and his shades in CSI: Miami. First of all, this is a valid couple because some people are attached to things rather than to a person. And secondly, has anyone noticed how carefully he takes off his shades. This unhealthy obsession has to end, my friend.